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Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Tempered Class




“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~ Maya Angelou









Just the other day at the grocery store, I overheard a young male cashier asking a young woman what she planned to do with a plunger. Can you imagine? Speechless and crimson, she left without making a purchase. Another good reason (though I’ve yet to try it) to have the groceries delivered—from a mile away!



I suppose it’s simply another unpleasant example of today’s acceptance of blatant rudeness as evidenced in a broad spectrum of media outlets, including (gasp!) book reviews. Yep, this is another of my adventures in apprehension for the InsecureWriter’s Support Group

As if putting your work out in public is not already a monumental test of confidence, must we now be subjected to what amounts to classless insult? Apparently so, as in these examples:

“The book is divided into eight long chapters, and I can’t imagine why anyone would want to read it.”

“A 600-page monument to insignificance.”

“This is easily the worst book I’ve ever read, and I’ve read ( notable author).”

Leapin’ Lizards! Shouldn’t it be a crime to be that rude?

Admittedly, these are some of the worst of the worst and (so far) not the norm. But whatever happened to simply declining comment if you can’t at least be constructive? Oh, sure, we know what not to do; we mustn’t maim, strangle or otherwise mutilate the offending reviewer.  But more importantly, how do we recover from a venomous review?

Me, I find my M&M stash inexplicably depleted. And I quit reading reviews.   
           
But who doesn’t, in their heart of hearts, really want to know how their book is publicly accepted? Certainly few can engage the world. However, offensive reviews can only stack the odds against engaging even a few.  Do you agree some tempered class is in order? 

“A boo is a lot louder than a cheer” ~ Lance Armstrong

Cheerful cyber hugs to my friends Shady Dell Knight and Stephanie Farris for stopping by while I was away bearing witness to the fruition of one of my baby girl’s greatest dreams. It truly was enchanting!



20 comments:

  1. Hi, dear Diedre! Thank you for posting an image captured during one of the magic moments of your daughter's wedding. Congratulations to the newlyweds and to you! I wish your daughter and her new husband a lifetime of happiness.

    I am happy to report that I had a very good experience at the supermarket yesterday. The two female clerks who waited on me in different sections of the store were very friendly and helpful and both repeatedly called me "dear." At the barber shop the female who cut my hair repeatedly called me "honey."(Could the liberal use of terms of endearment by female employees be part of modern day job training?) My point is this. Even if those retail clerks were Stepford Wives and the sweet words coming from their mouths were "scripted" it felt good to be addressed in a manner that made me feel special. In the past I have encountered far too many apathetic retail workers who have treated me like the invisible man.

    When it feels so good to give and receive kindness, I don't know why people choose to snipe, to tear down, to devalue others and their creative work. Maybe I do know. Launching an attack against other people makes them feel smart and powerful. Look at all the hateful, venomous comments left on YouTube videos and routinely posted on other social media. Seems to me those bullies could demonstrate how smart they are by creatively constructing reviews that make their point without stepping on toes. A few weeks ago I read reviews of the new fall TV shows. It amazed me when the critic essentially told us not to bother watching certain shows because they are, in his or her opinion, rubbish. Wouldn't it be better if we all gave something (or someone) a fair chance and then made up our own minds?

    Thank you, dear friend Diedre!

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    1. What a wonderful reply, Shady! Thanks so much ;-)
      Like you, I appreciate being treated kindly and am always happy to reciprocate. It's been my observation that it isn't until a certain age or passage of time before folks realize the benefits of treating others with dignity and compassion. Perhaps the errant few suffer from unseen thorns; embedded in their souls.
      I agree, TV show reviews are often so one-sided you have to wonder what the sponsors were thinking!

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  2. I only have one review on a self-pubbed (A-Z) book. It was great and yet it made me feel insecure.

    I think there is always something good we can about another.

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    1. You bet there is, Teresa! I'm a firm believer in balance, as in a spoonful of sugar for the medicine. Otherwise it seems more like poison;-)

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  3. Some reviewers seem to go out of their way to be nasty. It hurts, but I try not to dwell. Some people are just haters.

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    1. You are so right, we must move on and away from those who seek to gain the spotlight by dimming ours. And while in the fleeting gloom it's always nice to share the strength and courage so easily forgotten within. I appreciate your reply, TBM :-)
      Thank you!

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  4. Why would anyone ask why someone needs a plunger? Isn't it obvious? Some people can be so rude!

    It seems that nowadays people enjoy bringing others down. They don't bite their tongue. They think they can say anything because they're saying it online and that's an excuse to be unnecessarily cruel. It seems that authors get the worst of it too when it comes to reviews.

    When I get a bad review, I cry. Yup. Then I vent to anyone who will listen. After that I analyze my work and most often realize they were being mean just to be mean and what they said was far from true. Once that happens, I dive back into my work and tell myself I won't ever read another review. But, of course, I do.

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    1. Ha! Bless your heart, Lady Chrys. I do the same as you as far as being irresistibly compelled to peek at reviews again :-) Who knew confidence could be such a fragile thing? Thankfully we all have the built-in glue of perseverance!

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  5. A wedding! I had one reviewer say she'd read better fan fiction. LOL. It was the only negative review I got for that book but people can be mean.

    Susan Says

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    1. Fan fiction? Oh what a stinker she was! Clearly it's a classic example of her - not you :-)
      Glad you stopped by, Susan!

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  6. Congratulations to your daughter on her wedding ~ and how lovely that must have been for you to share her joy, Diedre!

    There is rudeness everywhere today it seems. I can't control what others do; the only thing I can do is to treat others the way I would like to be treated. That said, I do think more class is needed. Class and kindness!

    It's really hard to dismiss cruel words about something you've put your heart and soul into. As a retired elementary teacher, I think I might make a big, bright poster filled with the kind reviews and stick it above my writing desk to keep my courage up.

    Happy writing! Don't let the meanies get you down!



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    1. Thank you, Fundy Blue ;-) Precious memories, indeed.
      Here, here for Tempered Class, huh? Excellent idea to post the good ones in plain view! I think I'll do that too!
      Being an elementary teacher must have been as rewarding as it was fascinating :-) I look forward to hearing more about it.

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  7. I've noticed it's particularly bad on Goodreads. I'd heard authors talk about it and I hadn't really seen it personally...but a friend recently released her first YA book. The reviewers are BRUTAL...they even post gifs. The reviews seem more "look at me, I'm mean" than an actual interest to review the book!

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    1. Yikes! I'm surprised that moderators don't curb that sort of behavior. It sure makes it difficult to trust any of them these says, though I know of at least three who are absolute gems to writers of certain genres; proving they're not all black-hearted beasts. :-) May twelve more (positive) reviews turn the table for your friend!

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  8. Ah! Congrats to your baby girl! And I think that it might be best to not read reviews, just as you suggest. Or sometimes, the wrong audience gets their hands on a book and rips it to shreds. Like, "I don't like vampires and this book sucked." Well, vampires were on the cover and the blurb stated what the book was about so you read it because...???? I think we just have to surround ourselves with encouraging writers and soldier on. And keep that supply of M&M'S, of course:)

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    1. Aw, thank you Quanie! Six months of chaos for six hours of memorable moments - ha! She forgot to wear her veil but I doubt anyone noticed;-)
      Haha! You nailed it! Who reads a book about something they already dislike? I wonder if the rude reviewers would as readily voice their venomous opinions with a microphone and camera?

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  9. If I'm not enjoying a book, I don't finish it because there are lots of other books out there. Therefore, I don't review. 600 pages of something you hate is a lot to get through! Like Stephanie says, it does seem to be an attention-seeking thing with some. It should be about the book, not the reviewer.

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    1. Hi there Nick! I wholeheartedly agree that one should just quickly and quietly move on. Torturing yourself or others is entirely uncalled for. I have to admit it makes me a little wary of reviews in general.

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  10. Ahh, what a lovely wedding picture. They look happy.
    We're all right there with you, Diedre, on the 'classless insults' What are people thinking? And yes, M&Ms will heal any ill:)

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    1. Thanks, Sandra. I do believe they are ;-)
      Yes, I guess there's just no accounting for the unaccountable - ha!
      M&Ms are tiny hugs of confidence;-)

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Any thoughts? Join the conversation, comments welcome here!